Everything wrong with Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit part 3

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So far I have argued against the pacing problems of the silly, silly trilogy. Surely that is all. Well no, for now I shall contend with the number one argument against pretty much everything I have said and the proposed solution to it all.

For the argument that many have put forward, including myself, is that someone could potentially make a decent movie out of these three floundering Balrog’s with a bit of heavy editing. However the more I think about it the less I think that’s possible, you see the movie isn’t just padded out with useless scenes but by stretching every scene to breaking point.

These two problems have left us with poor characterisation such as the meek mannered Bilbo leaping from burning trees to fight Orc war leaders in one on one combat. Though again this kind of makes sense in a three movie series as nobody could be expected to wait and see Bilbo grow into a useful party member over three entire years.

Now the main argument against this is the notion of appendices. There are two holes in this argument however the first being that ‘The Hobbit’ doesn’t have any appendices. I should know I own three copies. Now you could argue that I am just being pedantic here and everyone knows they are talking about Lord of the Rings but this isn’t Lord of the Rings. Remember the Hobbit was a huge best seller, when Tolkien asked to be alowed to rewrite the book to incoperate the notion of the one ring into the plot I can only assume his publishers jumped for joy. If he had wanted to add the other stuff in too then he had a chance and even if he had wanted to do it later I can’t see them objecting.

The second problem is what he has picked from the aappendices that being a dead orc known for an iron clad head now running around with a stick for a hand, a family tree used as a wall hanging in the second movie and about two lines concerning the attack on Dol Gudur.

Then finally there is the female elf presumably meant to appease anyone crying sausage fest. She is not in the appendacies at all as far as I can recall and while there is the feminist argument of including her I think that is somewhat undermined by having do nothing but pine of Orlando Bloom and then fancy the pretty boy dwarf. If you are going to try and head the misogynists off at the pass at least have her do something otherwise you’ve just made things worse. Why didn’t they just turn some of the dwarves female it’s not like most of them are doing anything anyway.

In short ‘The Hobbit’ feels thin, like butter spread over too much bread. Still at least it’s nice too look at right?

Well unfortunately no. You see the mood is bouncing between the young nature of the book and the grownup nature of the proceeding trilogy  meaning that you can end up with whiplash from the switches between snotty trolls and homesick Dwarves. They have also given Jackson an infinite budget, unfortunately this is a man who didn’t want to come back and thus he has attempted to get through as quickly and painlessly as possible by eschewing the camera trickery and lovely model work for lashings of green screen. Which as you may have heard has started to affect everyone else with Gandalf breaking down in tears and Bilbo alternating between flipping off the camera and discussing date rape on the red carpet.

In short ‘The Hobbit’ suffers from trying to be ‘The Lord of the Rings’ a point I could have made in one short post but doesn’t this illustrate the point better than any other way, so in conclusion I would have to say that the best Hobbit you can watch is still animated.

 

 

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