Of course the big news this week was the Charlie Hebdo attacks in Paris but I don’t think, as someone who spends their time online discussing the various spidermen in Marvels latest overpriced crossover, I’m really fit to be discussing that. So instead we’re going to look at…
Idiots handle terrorist attacks,
Child hood actors go off the rails,
America wants to white wash a pointless remake of a foreign film,
Sony thinks more superhero movies are called for,
Scottish people go missing,
Film company thinks splitting a movie into multiple parts might make more money,
And an upcoming film gets a trailer to promote it.
This is the week that was.
The biggest story this week was of course the people who felt threatened enough by cartoon strips that they had to launch an armed assault on their offices. This meant that at least one person stayed true to their religions roots, with officer Ahmed Merabet being one of the first on the scene and paying the horrible price. Our thoughts go out to those who were lost in the senseless attack and their families.
Now I don’t intend to talk about it any further, simply because others have said more and better than I ever could. Not only has Albert Uderzo brought renowed French characters Asterix and Obelix out of retirement to pay their respects but every satirist and cartoonist has come out in support with a number of witty, touching and delightful drawings.
Unfortunatly so have a large number of idiots, the first being the far, far, far right group Britain first who felt the need to live tweet every instance of the attack along with a helpful link to their shop, just in case this made you suddenly want a racist hoodie or t-shirt.
Which is something no sane media aware person would ever do of course, which means you would never have somebody try and piggy back c.d sales off of this terrible event, would you? I mean who would crass enough to tweet about the tragedy with the hashtag of their new album? Oh yes Madonna.
Not that this is the first trouble Madonna has had promoting her new album when she tweeted pictures of noted figures like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela in pose on the cover of her new album. Because nothing defies racism and oppression more than an aging rockers latest pop album. Maybe it’s just really bad and she doesn’t want us to listen to it and is thus doing all she can to put us off now. You know like when the Stones recorded C*ck S*cker Blues, because their label expected them to fulfil the legally binding contract they had signed.
Meanwhile trusted news source Fox have broken down terrorism for us simpletons with the description that terrorism is what it is, you know, just in case you thought meant something else in whatever weird foreign language they speak over there.
In slightly better news missing teen girl Jenniffer O’Neill was found after three days, on facebook with a message telling us that she was on her way home.
Meanwhile apparently haven given up on remaking seminal anime flick Akira with an all white cast and struggling to get the ball rolling on Cowboy Bebop with an American cast Dreamworks have now set the ball rolling for a live action version of Ghost in the Shell with noted Asian actress Scarlett Johansson. For those who don’t know Ghost in the Shell, it’s like Blade runner with a bigger budget and Harrison Ford was replaced by a scantily clad woman. For those who don’t know Scarlett Johansson she is the lead for every female lead sci-fi, action movie in the last few years, except for the one she is supposedly known for.
Meanwhile Dustin Diamond, noted for playing Screech in the early nineties hit ‘Saved by the Bell’ and generally talking sh*t about his cast mates ever since has found himself in jail this week after stabbing a man at a bar. Apparently his girlfriend was upset at her and her boyfriend being photographed when trying to enjoy some private time. The one hole in this story being, who would want to take a photograph of Screech?
In other news Channing Tatum, hunk, actor and profound writer; has not only been confirmed in the role of Gambit for upcoming X-men movies, no doubt to replace the loss of Huge Action as Wolverine when he steps down from the role, though when that is likely to be we’re not sure as he has flip flopped on the future of the character so many times we’re starting to question whether he is in fact holding out for the day Wolvie gets to board a S.H.I.E.L.D hellicarrier and trade barbs with Tony Stark, but also a release date. For those who don’t know the character of Gambit is known for being southern, looking good and throwing playing cards at people, perhaps in a cheaper version of ninja smoke bombs when he wants to disappear. For those who don’t know Channing Tatum is known for looking good which means he is one out of three which actually beats Hugh Jackman the noted tall, Australian, Singer playing the noted short, Canadian, fighter.
With news that Batman v Superman will have pretty much every superhero in it ever just to rub it in the face of Marvel that DC still own the rights to all their creations, there is now news that the movies might be split in two. Some might say that this is to let the story breath and grow organically or to allow the numerous characters to get some moment to shine the story, others would say its as stupid a cash grab as when they tried to split a kids book into three parts.
And lastly Marvel have given us out first proper glimpse of Ant-Man in action with the movies first trailer released during Agent Carter this week.
Unfortunately while Marvel has been able to sell us on talking trees and talking Raccoons in space even they apparently don’t think it’s possible to sell us on a man with the super ability of shrinking really small as they have given us one of the least exciting or engaging trailers I’ve seen in a long time. This might not be a problem if the movie wasn’t
A) about Ant-man and
B) still realing from it’s one spokesman and supporter for the last ten years right before it launches, taking the script and big name director with it.