WolfCop, doesn’t really need a review, it’s called wolf cop, it’s about a cop who is a wolf and it has not only one of the most eighties covers since FarCry: Blood Dragon, or you know the eighties themselves, but it has the tagline of here comes the fuzz. You have either already ordered this and are now sat by your door awaiting the delivery or you are dead to me it’s not for you.
Still let’s tell you a bit about what you are missing or try to fill your time while you wait for it to arrive.
The music is done by a group called shooting guns, which means they may have been hired on their name alone. Fortunately they fit well enough at least to the very Buffy style opening that rocks across your screen to announce that you should promptly sit down and shut up. It needs this bit of adrenaline because the movie slows down a bit here to build up to the reveal of the titular wolfcop by focusing on drunkcop Lou Garou. He is the worst cop in a town of three, which doesn’t sound that bad so they installed a tally on cases solved to point out that no he is that bad. Spending his on duty days between the bar and buying the new liquor doughnuts on sale Lou is annoyingly assigned a case; to go and sort out local conspiracy theorist, paranormal believer and gun shop owner Willie Higgins. It turns out that kids have been sacrificing pets to the dark lord Satan behind his shop again much to his annoyance.
So after a quick stop back at the bar Lou decides to go on a one man stake out into the local woods. All he manages to catch however is a whack to the head that knocks him out cold. He wakes up back in his bed with a a five o’clock shadow that will put Homer Simpson to shame oh yes and a pentagram carved into his chest.
That is when his life starts to get weird. First off the local mayoral candidate, who actually wanted to improve the town and its people, winds up dead in the woods from a drug overdose. Well his neck is also slashed to ribbons but they are pretty sure it’s a drug overdose that did him in. This means the local “Drink and Shoot” is now also cancelled which means that the locals ain’t too happy and the woods are now out of bounds. But on the bright side Lou gets to go hang out with his favourite gal/ bartender. However after only a handful of pints and five or six shots he isn’t feeling too well and we find that Lou Garou might now be a loup-garou or, in English, a werewolf. He might also be a swearwolf but we’ll let that slide as this could be the most painful looking transformation I’ve seen, certainly in recent memory. I won’t spoil it for you too much but I will say it is another triumph for practical effects as the beast literally bursts out of the puny pink wrapper. Oh and starts with the well known weak spot of all spiritual creatures and men everywhere.
Now for some this would be a traumatic experience that forces him to hide away and shun all human contact for the rest of his life to avoid inflicting the curse on those around him and spare them from facing the beast. Lou however decides that it’s time to sort his life out and with the help of his friend Willy decides to become the best cop he can be. Of course looking like this he can’t just drive round in any old cop car and so it is time to cue the music.
Thus with his now pimped out ride Lou Garou can become the WolfCop, which seems to involve beating up some men in silly masks and taking on the local, underground, orange sherbet dealer. Speaking of practical effects this might be one to avoid for anyone who ever squirmed at the King Lear jelly scene in fact they go for heads and faces in general a lot during this movie, which is probably something of a compliment as they all look decent and heads and faces tend to be where practical effects fall down.
The movie comes in at under an hour and a half and yet it fits a lot in without ever feeling bloated, this is despite dropping the reference that apparently changelings really like the taste of werewolf blood. You will be surprised who these changelings turn out to be; okay no you probably won’t and that’s one of the things I enjoyed about the movie. It wasn’t playing itself for laughs or trying to be silly for the sake of a gag for the trailer but it never takes itself too seriously.
It goes through the checklist of sex, satanic rituals and rock and roll with just enough respect for the concept of a plot or a script but without labouring the point. The sex scene in question isn’t too graphic though is probably the reason for it’s 15 rating over here. Well that and the copious amounts of drinking oh and the gallons upon gallons of blood. However the sex scene is probably more memorable for other reason anyway and probably won’t get you in the mood for anything other than more cheesy eighties style movies. Or maybe it will, who am I to judge you anonymous person on the internet.