Superman appeared in 1930-something and beat up bad guys with a pow, smack and a bam but Lois got old and Superman got writers block so the nazis took over. Several decades later Lois and Clark fly to Germany but there’s something on the wing! So Superman fights the evil goblin but the Germans don’t like this and so try to arrest him for saving the day. He then buggers off and with nothing better to do Lois joins the Amazonian resistance movement who make out and then set her on fire.
Meanwhile Superman must fight a Titan who beats him up and turns him into a centaur. So Super-Centaur leads his horsey harem to raid a wine cellar where he is saved by becoming a teenage girl. Meanwhile Lois must fight Wonder Woman She Wolf of the SS so Clark-ina takes on a Minotaur with a machine gun, beats the Gods and goes to live on the moon with his two girlfriends and they were all very very drunk.
Yes I have been drinking, but this is still…………………………
It may sound like an incoherent drunken mess and well it is but at its heart at the very core of itself is a decent idea heck if you push hard enough, several. Lois ageing as Superman stays the same, Superman loosing touch with humanity, Superman having an adverse affect on Humanity through his very presence, heck even Superman vs the Greek gods could have produced a readable book. Unfortunately they are all mixed together like a dirty pint and you can’t help but wonder if this was a dare a bet or someone’s very specific fetish list. You can practically hear the writer taking a shot every other page. Just when they seem to be trying to justify one weird choice the next comes along looking like they’ve just pulled it out of the stupid hat which is typically locked away at the back of DC headquaters, in a box labled do not open.
Behind a sign saying beware the leopard.
In a filing cabinet.
Shoved inside a disused lavatory.
Down a flight of broken stairs.
In a cellar.
With no light.
As I said it starts decently enough with Lois nearing retirement and Superman in all but permanent self imposed exile on the moon. Joy riding the moon buggy and wrecking type writers. It seems that somehow Superman being on Earth since the late thirties has made things slightly worse. The Nazi party didn’t manage to take over the world but they did somehow not loose it and even manage to hide their concentration camps for another twenty or so years until a man with x-ray vision came along. By the way that was pretty much the end of the Lois and Clark sub-plot, it had a solid run of about three pages.
But this Nazi plot could be interesting right? Well don’t get too attached to it, as I’ve pretty much found the end of that one too. I mean it lasts a bit longer but soon we have Bondage Wonder Woman and the many shapes of Superman so ‘eh.
But let’s go back a bit to Lana Lang, one time fling of Superman, who is kidnapped and boards a plane to Germany, or perhaps Italy the whole thing is a little shaky to be honest. Going off this comic they seem to be joined at the mountain range. I mean I guess in this reality they own Switzerland and what not so maybe they are but still. Anyway this is the least of the comics problems. See there is a resistance still ongoing but it’s now made up of Amazons from Themyscira, half of which have folded over to the Nazi regime. Why or indeed how, you don’t need to know that. Anyway while she is off doing stuff involving sewers, what is it with Italians in sewers this month, Superman and Lois decide to fly over. But as previously mentioned they are attacked by winged harpys, each a match for Superman.
This it should be noted is pretty much the end of the Nazi plot, meaning and thought about Supermans role in the world and the nature of war crimes and legacy is dropped.
Oh we still get a touch of Nazi-splotation so don’t worry.
From here Clark and Lois split up, for reasons. Lois has the better plot but that really isn’t saying much. She joins up with the Amazon resistance and impresses them so quickly and so pasionatly that they decide to make her the new Wonder Woman. Through what I guess to be firey, firey sex. From here she goes on to try and take down the entire third reich. Superman was too busy working on his next novel, in case you were wondering.
Meanwhile Superman gets his ass kicked by a sea monster, drained of his powers and intelligence, dropped in a box and kicked off the planet. I say kicked off the planet I mean drop kicked into Italy and turned into a super powered centaur, through what I guess to be unluckily landing in the one magic pool on the planet that can do that.
Don’t worry he will be punished for this rabid alcohol consumption by becoming a teenage girl, for some reason.
From here what little plot is still clinging to life is told to look at the flowers while Chris Claremont tells it about the little patch of land they’re going to own and how it will get to tend to the rabbits. Pages are skipped over, or so it seems as the “story” races toward the conclusion throwing in as many random cameos as it can think of in its drunken state. Like the story ideas introduced early on, this started like a good idea. Such as Bruce Wayne encouraged to step out of the shadows by the inspiration of Superman. By the end however we have Montoya and Bullock as White house security, Babs Gordon is director of intelligence and Oliver Queen is ambassador to Germany for some reason. Don’t question it because these all pretty much come in the bat-shit insane, drunken second half of the book.
To borrow the catch phrase of another “This comic sucks!!” The art is all over the place and gets increasingly fetishistic as we progress, especially where the two Wonder Women are concerned. Meanwhile confident that that side of the story covers those after some Nazi-splotation Superman is tasked with dealing with those upset that Deviant art hasn’t yet been invented. Reports indicate that had they got the five issues they wanted Superman would have, grown, shrunk and got really fat as well.
Also god forbid you come into this Wonder Woman comic wanting Wonder Woman. We only see the actual Wonder Woman a handful of times and she is a leather clad nazi who fights men to bed them or become their submissive wife. She doesn’t get a heel face turn or even more than five lines she just gets a few scenes that would make Frank Miller rub his knees and drool.