The Watch: The Dark in the Dark (episode 6)


This is episode six of eight, they are hunting down artefact two of three and I am out of f**ks to give. This is ….

So we’re after the dwarven crown guarded by the dark in the dark. This will force Cheery to head home and face her past head on. Don’t worry it’s not nearly as dramatic as I made it sound. Also if you’re thinking that Carrot might get something to do as he was raised by Dwarves and lived amongst them until like four or five days ago then forget that bit. I think he got to translate one title for Angua just so Cheery didn’t completely dominate the episode. Angua; who we saw the tragic past of last week where she was chained up will also be chained up in a similar way this week. She won’t really be doing anything either. She’s just there so Cheery can explain stuff to the audience. They will be her back up dancers this week. And that’s not a strained metaphor. But we’ll get to that.

First we must appear dwarven. That means slapping on a beard. That is literally it. Now I don’t mind turning the dwarves into some kind of religious, cult like thing but you have to question if at that point they are actually dwarves and thus why we didn’t call them something else. Like everyone has seen Lord of the Rings. Every civilian on the street knows what a Dwarf is these days so why call these guys dwarves. I would say it would be like a wizard without a pointy hat but we’ve already had one of them. Anyway I bring this up because I think the gag is that Angua and Carrot have shaved the prisoners to get their beards. Cheery meanwhile will be wearing her mother’s. The thing is that the makeup is done to seem like the beards are theirs so you would assume, or at least I would, that it’s magic. Except not only do our bad guys not have to wear fake beards, their magic means they can just pretend, but our heroes are called out for fake beards later which makes the whole thing a bit confusing. This is another one of those episodes where we don’t really have the rules laid out but hope that we can flub through and still get some drama and tension out of the scenes.

The big one here is the dark. The all encompassing dark that scares the sh*t out of Cheery. It’s why she left as it takes and destroys anyone that isn’t “normal”, “out of the ordinary”, and “different”. Except it doesn’t. The dark comes for her and then politely explains that it likes people who are different and releases her before helping her retake the watch house. Our heroes don’t outsmart anyone, or out fight anyone. They don’t have to prove themselves or really do much of anything. Cheery gets to play dres up, have a chat with Mummy and then save the day. Leaving her with an uber weapon that can take out the best of the assassin’s guild without breaking a sweat. An uber weapon which you can already tell won’t be mentioned again by the next episode. By the way this is the dance number I mentioned before as she comes out in some tacky red dress and pink wig looking like one of those toffs out of the hunger games. I guess they are hoping that people like the bit where they pretended to be a band and danced to wham. I think they are also hoping that people will like this because honestly even if you thought those bits were funny I can’t see you liking this. But then again I didn’t like those bits either.

Oh yes speaking of Mummy it seems Cheery is different because Mummy was different. Cheery questioned the old ways because Mummy questioned the old ways. Just in case you thought they were in danger of making Cheery her own dwarf. Like Cheery lost her Mummy. Oh wait here she is, she’s fine she just abandoned her child to explore reality. But that’s fine really. Oh no the darkness beyond the human soul is coming and will consume them all. Oh wait not it’s fine it quite likes them really. It just feels like the whole show wants to be a fantasy action adventure show but stay as far away from any kind of drama or danger as possible. It’s like that bit form H2G2 where the narrator tells us that “stress and nervous tension are now serious social problems in all parts of the Galaxy, and it is in order that this situation should not be in any way exacerbated that the following facts will now be revealed in advance.

The planet in question is in fact the legendary Magrathea. The deadly missile attack shortly to be launched by an ancient automatic defense system will result merely in the breakage of three coffee cups and a mouse cage, the bruising of somebody’s upper arm, and the untimely creation and sudden demise of a bowl of petunias and an innocent sperm whale.
” That absence of drama would work if this was also a comedy. Some people may argue on this point but I can prove them wrong with the exact same above quote. You’ll notice how that is funny.

Sam and Sybil sit in a cell all episode and can be safely ignored. Their attacked by assassins but as I said Cheery saves them so don’t worry yourself. Carcer escapes, again, and has the first two keys now. There is some work on the third key or maybe not. I might talk more about that when they make up their minds later. I’m not annoyed so much as them not deciding now as the current answer was less than impressive so a later one will hopefully work better.

As for the end. Well they are now recruiting an “evil” Sam Vimes from across the multiverse. Be prepared for a trousers of time quote next week to try and explain his presence. The problem is two fold. Ignoring the fact that the writer couldn’t craft a cutting remark to free himself from a wet paper bag. The first is that this evil Sam isn’t really evil and they will have to make him evil. Which means they will probably fail and this will in fact just speed up Sam and Sybil’s relationship without having to get their characters to do anything again. The second is that even if this is an “evil” Sam Vimes it just undermines your villain. Like you have a bad guy. You’ve given him a motive and a connection to your hero but you can’t make that work so you’ve just brought in another bad guy to help. With two episodes to go. I mean had this “evil” Sam been around, pulling strings from the start then it could have maybe worked but pulling in an evil twin with two episodes to go just makes it feel like this whole thing should have been a three episode miniseries.

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