What is ‘Justice League: Mortal’?

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The MCU is doing wonders at the moment, managing to hype people to unprecedented levels with a fight between superheroes and a guy they’ve never heard of whose never managed to get out of his chair in over five years. Meanwhile the DCMU has managed to do two movies with a crazy space hobo, one movie about a clown hooker and one that has Ben Affleck apparently doing everything……. he can to get his name off the project. But this is not the only way it could have gone. We could have had a Justice League back when Marvel was still talking about an “Initiative”, we could have had a Justice League from the man behind “Fury Road”, an altogether more human Justice League a………………………………….

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What is ‘Superman: American Alien’?

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Max Landis is a film maker, writer and nerd most well known for writing a shaky cam, gritty and realisitc superhero movie that isn’t as terrible as that sentence sounds, being behind the Americanisation of Douglas Adams or for pissing off feminists and lovers of Rey. A man who claims that nobody loves Superman like he does, nobody understands Superman like he does, now we’re going to see if anyone can write Superman like he can in…………………………………………..

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What is ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’?

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It took me a while to get around to seeing this one. What with all the reviews flying around can you blame me? But I’ve finally got around to it and if I had to waste two and half hours watching this I figured I might as well waste a few more writing this review.

This is………………………………………………………

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What is “Superman/Wonder Woman: Whom Gods Destroy”?

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Superman appeared in 1930-something and beat up bad guys with a pow, smack and a bam but Lois got old and Superman got writers block so the nazis took over. Several decades later Lois and Clark fly to Germany but there’s something on the wing! So Superman fights the evil goblin but the Germans don’t like this and so try to arrest him for saving the day. He then buggers off and with nothing better to do Lois joins the Amazonian resistance movement who make out and then set her on fire.

Meanwhile Superman must fight a Titan who beats him up and turns him into a centaur. So Super-Centaur leads his horsey harem to raid a wine cellar where he is saved by becoming a teenage girl. Meanwhile Lois must fight Wonder Woman She Wolf of the SS so Clark-ina takes on a Minotaur with a machine gun, beats the Gods and goes to live on the moon with his two girlfriends and they were all very very drunk.

Yes I have been drinking, but this is still…………………………

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